Song lyrics Fascinating Aïda - Joyce
You've clearly come to tell something really quite unpleasant
I know that shifty look upon your face. If it's about the alimony, then our lawyer should be present
No... you're telling me there's someone in my place
Do I know her?
Oh, I do
Well, are you going to tell me who?
So you're living with... Joyce?
I'm a little bit phased, no, I'm frankly amazed that you've opted for... Joyce
Well, blow me, it's Joyce
Am I missing the plot?
Because frankly she's not an obvious choice
So... did it start long ago?
Though I'm out of your life and no longer your wife I would just like to know
But, though the woman's a slut
If you love her, I guess, I must wish you success and keep my mouth shut
I shan't say a thing
Now I see the whole damn tawdry story
All spread out in Technicolour glory
Me, I thought that life was hunky-dory
Little did I know that the slippery sly boots was planning into climbing into my bed, my boots
Starting that Summer when we all shared a villa
Did I have suspicions? No! Not a scintilla
Underneath the Tuscan sun she flirted
While my mind was otherwise diverted
How her efforts must have been concerted
Going off to look at old ruins together, she's a ruin herself with a face of old leather
All the time pretending to be my chum
Oh, my God! Was I dumb?
Well, it's cuddly old... Joyce
She's an excellent chef, but how can you be deaf to the sound of her voice?
Well, she's hardly Rolls Royce
And, believe me, I'm loathed to imagine you both getting sticky and moist
How... could you fall for that cow? You must take her to bed with a bag on her head
Oh, I'm sorry... meow
Right... I'm resorting to spite
You and me had to end, and we want to stay friends, so let's not have a fight
I shan't say a thing
How could such a friend of mine betray me?
That's what just continues to dismay me
Like a fish, she play me, and she play me
Always popping round, and always being kindly
Of course, I fell for it, absolutely blindly
Dear, old, Joyce so terribly willing
It's so bloody funny, it's absolutely killing
What possessed me when I let that witch in? Argh
How'd I know that she would get her pitch in?
Sitting nice and comfy, in my kitchen
"Ooh, I'd love a cup of coffee"
"No, I'll make it myself, I know you keep the mugs on the second shelf. I know where you keep the sugar, I know where you keep the jug"
All the time, I was the mug
It really is choice
You knew better, have I've just got a laugh, and even rejoice
Joyce, like a scarcely convoice
I'm feeling so ill, give me a pill
Fetch me a Noyes
What has she possibly got?
She looks like a hag who dresses in drag
And is married to Lot
Joyce, her name is acoys
In the whole universe, as nobody wants, and for a horse, she dies tonight! Hahahaha
Just in case you missed it, Mister
I can't even bring myself to say her name