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Fascinating Aïda - Charm Offensive (2014)
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OFSTED Song or a Teacher's Lot Is Not a Happy One

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Song lyrics Fascinating Aïda - OFSTED Song or a Teacher's Lot Is Not a Happy One


Liza
I'm a teacher by profession, it was always my ambition
To encourage lots of little minds to shine
I don't aim for great advancement, for I'm
Not a politician
And if I'm not rich, that's absolutely fine

My school is what you might call "archetypal
Inner city"
Only ten per cent speak English at the start
But after OFSTED's visit
And it's said, without self-pity
The Common Room collectively lost heart

Is it really so misguided to think learning should be fun?
Oh, a teacher's lot is not a happy

Adèle
Happy one

Liza
Thank you
Now the minister makes changes every week
And each suggestion's either lunatic, insane or barking mad
But what is crystal clear is that he asks
Himself no questions, and gives rein to every
Bright idea and fad

We must read the King James Bible while the
Children chomp on lettuce
And if Primark found a school it's not a stunt
He has never been receptive to our feedback
When he's met us
In my opinion... he's an utter Jeremy Hunt

Oh, believe me it's an argument that's
Bound to run and run
Oh, a teacher's lot is not a happy one

Adèle
Happy one

Liza
It's my noble aim to din some English into
All my pupils. 18 languages are spoken in my class
But when OFSTED says they're coming then
Our workload just quadruples
'Cause we're in the donkey doo if we don't pass

The Inspector sits and watches which just makes you feel defenseless
Twenty minutes of his time is all you've got
Has he any bloody notion that it's absolutely
Senseless teaching Usbek kids "The Lady of Shallot"?
No! He never sees the tiny little battles that
Are won
No! A teacher's lot is not a happy one!

Adèle
Happy one

Liza
The Inspector gives his verdict, says we cannot
Teach for toffee, and our classes simply do not make the grade
What's so utterly enraging is we gave him
Cake and coffee and what's more
Both were organic and Fair Trade
Yet in twenty sodding minutes, he's convinced
The little treasures you're incompetent to help them
Read and write
And to top it all the school is designated
"Special Measures" which in English means they think
The place is shite

Next year I'll pull a sickie
And then jet off to the sun...
Oh, a teacher's lot is not a happy one

Adèle
Happy one

Liza
Ladies and Gentlemen, there is one final
Question that I would quite like to ask you and
It is possibly the most important question of all
I wonder if anybody here can tell me what the
Word OFSTED actually stands for?
Anyone? No? Perhaps I can help
It stands for: Overpaid, Fuckers, Shafting, Teachers, Every, Day

And finally the minister has plans that set us weeping
Longer hours and shorter holidays as well
Are we meant to prep our classes and do marking while we're sleeping?
If that's so, then the response is "Go to Hell!"
He's disapplied P.E plus art and music in the shakedown
This obsession with core subjects is a farce
It's no wonder so many of us have a nervous breakdown
Take you syllabus and shove it up your arse!

I would shoot you but the nurses at the Priory took my gun!
Oh, a teacher's lot is not a happy one!

Adèle
Happy one


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